Twice the Love, One Incredible Journey: Codi’s Story

Q: Take us back to finding out you were having twins. What went through your mind? What were you excited about—and what scared you?
A: Since we didn’t do the initial dating scan, we didn’t find out we were having twins until our 20-week anatomy scan. We weren’t planning on finding out the gender, but I remember saying to my husband, “if it’s twins, we should find out the sex because I can’t have 4 different names picked out.” I kind of had this weird suspicion that it would be twins and it’s something I remember hoping for in the first few weeks of pregnancy. I also felt huge and lots of movement the few days leading up to the appointment. That still didn’t prepare me emotionally when we actually found out. My husband and I immediately started crying and were in shock. How incredible and unique of an opportunity we have been gifted to bring two lives into this world at once. At the same time, I was already feeling mom guilt about needing to soon divide my attention with my 2 year old. I was so excited but at the same time filled with worry. I was going to have THREE boys! Up until this point, I had been feeling so confident and generally worry free about the pregnancy. I had been planning my first home birth and was feeling pretty good with my plans for movement and exercise, breastfeeding, postpartum, newborn sleep, and all things baby related. I wasn’t a first time mom so this pregnancy I had minimal anxiety in those first weeks. That immediately changed. Could I still have my home birth? Could I still exclusively breastfeed like I had planned? Would I make enough milk? What the HECK does sleep look like with two babies and a toddler? Could I even still have a vaginal birth if me and babies continued to be healthy? All twins that I knew had been born via cesarean birth. What really were the risks with twin pregnancies? I was thankful but very overwhelmed. I immediately had a phone call with my midwife and communication with my doulas and they all put me at ease. I remember Tess sending me voice notes providing encouragement and support and expressing her excitement for me and my family’s future. Both her and Kenzie telling me that my feeling around this were normal and valid. I was so thankful to have them over the next several weeks while I processed and planned.

Q: What was twin pregnancy really like for you? What were some of the physical or emotional challenges that people might not realize?
A: I was miserable with nausea the first 18 weeks. It was so much worse than with my first pregnancy and was almost unbearable.
I was able to stay fairly active all the way through my pregnancy but after about week 30 I definitely needed to cut back and make modifications with my heavy strength training and running. I was in the best shape of my life right before getting pregnant, and things would have been so much more difficult if I hadn’t been prioritizing my physical health and exercise prior to pregnancy and in those early months. I had fully expected to continue to do everything I had been doing like I did with my first pregnancy, but with twins, there was quite a bit more discomfort, pressure, and my mobility was impacted because I was SO big.

Emotionally, I had some new worries. I found myself researching potential increased risks that at first I struggled to get past for a few weeks. I was also nervous about what postpartum would look like taking care of TWO babies and my other child who would soon be 3. Things like increased risk of preterm labor, gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, cord prolapse.. breech babies and the risk of baby B flipping after A is born.. and numerous other potential things. There’s a whole extra person to think about now! But my birth team of doulas and midwives and my husband really helped me feel confident of my own body, my personal health, and the care I was receiving. After about 3-4 weeks of stress and processing, I did finally get to a point where I felt at peace with my decision to continue on the path of home birth as long as my providers felt comfortable and as long as these babies decided to stay comfortable and make it to full term.

Q: Going into birth, what did you hope your experience would look like?Did that change at all as your pregnancy progressed?
A: I had been planning a home birth that I was very excited about. After finding out it was twins, I knew I needed to be extra flexible. Of course I had my ideal birth in my head, but knew that whatever happened, I had such a great group of women to support me and help me make the best decisions for myself and my babies. I remember when I first found out it was twins and it felt like there was so much uncertainty. I got a text from Kenzie saying “I need you to know that everything you have dreamed and envisioned for this birth and these babies is still possible.” My first phone call with Sarah (my midwife), she told me that Steph had said “if anyone can do it, Codi can.” Sarah also reminded me of the quote “believe you can and you’re half way there.” Those conversations not only made me sob, but changed everything for me and made me feel so supported and safe. My babies were di/di twins. Dichorionic-diamniotic. Meaning they each had their own placenta and sac. So these were the least risky of the types of twin pregnancies. There’s less risk of twin to twin transfusion. And with a little bit of extra monitoring to be sure, it’s really just two siblings in there. Not necessarily a more complex or dangerous pregnancy.
Sure, I knew things would likely be more difficult with the way I hoped to do things, but I was ok with that. And I was also ok with plans needing to change in order to keep everyone healthy.
My water broke at 36+4 at 10pm. The goal was to make it to 37 weeks to be able to have them at home. With the guidance of my midwife and after consulting with other local providers, babies were safely born at home at 36 weeks and 5 days. Even with baby B flipping to a breech position when his water broke. I did have my dream birth and everyone was healthy ❤️ Even when we determined baby B was breech, I felt safe in my decision to stay home. My providers were comfortable and I was confident in their training and experience, and I was confident in my body’s ability to birth. And it was perfect.

Q: What QCDC resources did you use during pregnancy?Classes, doula support, yoga, CONNECT, Mama Mingles, referrals to other providers, etc.—and which ended up being the most valuable?
A: I utilized quite a few services through QCDC. So many things available within this organization! I attended many momma mingles with my toddler and connected with other moms and doulas. I had pelvic floor therapy services in my package and also utilized Dr. Tess’s birth prep classes. I attended yoga with Megan. I utilized the Hypnobabaies classes with Miranda. I attended a couple of CONNECT meetings virtually and the main one that sticks out is Miranda’s planning for post partum. This one really helped me think about my village and what kind of support I would actually need postpartum and how to plan and advocate for that. I attended a prenatal baby feeding class with Kenzie and met with her a couple of times early postpartum while I was establishing breastfeeding of TWO babies. She provided some great suggestions, we discussed things to monitor, came up with an overnight feeding plan to help me get a bit more sleep, and we did some weighted feeds. I also received postpartum doula support from Lexi. Lexi helped with meal prepping, laundry, held my babies when I needed, helped with my 3 year old, and talked with me about my worries and this huge transition. I also of course had incredible doula support from Tess and Kenzie prenatally and during birth. Tess was technically who was on call and attended my birth and supported me, but Kenzie may have snuck in and decided to show up too. She provided extra feeding support for baby A with some colostrum from my freezer while I was still working on birthing my breech baby B.
I have honestly fallen in love with Tess and Kenzie for life after the support I received and after having them present at my birth. They each bring so much knowledge and unique experience and I feel like I hit the jackpot with having both of them as my doulas. Outside of our prenatal meetings, they were always available to chat to discuss concerns and worries, provide referrals, and just provided frequent support those days and weeks leading up to my due date. And are still there for me postpartum. I’m so thankful to have had them as a part of this journey.

Q: Was there anything you learned through QCDC that you specifically remember using during labor or birth?
A: I used Hypnobabies techniques during labor and throughout the weeks leading up to birth. This helped me feel confident and at peace within in my body and helped with pain management. My water actually broke while I listening to my nightly Hypnobabies tracks while laying in bed.. I don’t know if it was because I felt so relaxed and safe or if it was just some fun coincidence.
I don’t know if I necessarily learned much more that I used during labor and birth, but it was more so the support and encouragement that I felt from my doulas that helped me believe in myself. Having them there and having that relationship with these women who are a part of the birth world for so many was what was invaluable for me. When things got hard, uncomfortable, and uncertain, I knew I was safe and I knew they would be with me no matter what happened. If they believed in me, then surely I could do this. I felt genuinely cared for and felt love from them. And that was the most impactful thing I could have asked for.

Q: Tell us about the birth.What happened, what surprised you, and what moments stand out most?
A: I feel like I’ve answered a lot of this already. But my water broke around 10pm while laying in bed. I was listening to my hypnosis tracks and was experiencing some prodromal labor like I had been for several weeks. But nothing consistent. I heard a loud “pop pop” and then a huge gush of water came. I ran to the bathroom and called and texted my team. I was thankful for the close relationship my midwife and doulas have through refuge, because things soon started to happen very quickly and intensely. Every time I picked up my phone to send an update, I would have an intense contraction and forget what I was doing. Any husband was running around the house getting everything ready. Sarah was actually the one to tell Tess she was on her way and that she needed to head over too. It’s hard for me to remember a lot of the details. I just know I was on my bathroom floor moaning when people started to arrive. I think by 11:30 I was fully in it and working through waves. Not really aware of what was going on outside of my body. Going back and fourth between squatting and moving and being on all fours, and then resting when I could. Side lying on my bed provided the most relief and helped me relax through the contractions and let my body do the work it needed to to help move baby/babies down. Tess held my leg up when I asked her and I think this really helped things progress for me.. I changed positions frequently and Baby A was born just before 2am. Looking nothing like my other child and feeling just so small and new. I got to hold him for a few moments trying to get to know him, but then contractions started up again. We cut his cord, and he went off to do skin to skin with dad. I don’t remember the exact order of events, but Sarah checked me and determined my water was still intact and baby B was still pretty high up. She offered to break my water and I decided to just wait a bit and work through a few more waves. My water broke “with a dramatic gush” for baby B maybe 30 minutes later? They were having some difficulty finding a good heartbeat for him and I was really just in a different world at this point. Eventually we determined he had flipped and was in a good position for a breech birth. I said a few explicit words but then continued on, trying to move my body, utilize gravity, and still rest when I could. Probably around 3:45 I had a blip of a thought of doubt and wanted to give up, but with all of the support I had in that room, it quickly passed.
I felt safe and confident through this entire process and just before 4am baby B was born frank breech, butt first, with two hours between their births! Surrounded by 7 incredible women and my husband, in the comfort of my own home and bedroom, I birthed my twins vaginally with no hospital intervention. Both babies were healthy and latched almost immediately as I got to snuggle up in my own bed. My doulas and midwives cleaned me up, fed me, cleaned my space, and allowed me time with my babies.

Q: Was there a moment during labor when you thought, “I don’t know if I can do this”?What helped you through it?

A: Only a few moments while birthing baby B. Labor was so fast compared to my first baby where I labored for 32 hours.. I barely had time to doubt myself.
I made sure to utilize rest when I could and just took one contraction at a time. I let my body do most of the work and worked with my waves and used gravity to work both babies down and try to get them into a good position.
The support of my team, their belief in me, and their words of encouragement helped me get through it. I never once felt like me babies and I weren’t safe, I just needed to do it. And I did.
My husband later described everyone as “giddy” during the whole process. Even though I wasn’t really fully aware of that, their presence, energy, and commitment to me and my babies was why I was able to do this.

Q: What are you most proud of when you look back on your birth?
A: I birthed both babies vaginally, at home, with no pain medication. And I birthed a breech baby! I listened to and trusted my body. I’m so thankful of the team I invested in to be able to do all of this.

Q: What didn’t go the way you expected?Was there anything you had to let go of or adapt to?
A: I had to let go of the initial fear I had when we discovered it was twins. I had a brief period of grief thinking things would not be the way I imagined or hoped, and I had to come to terms with whatever changes that may need to happen. I was prepared to be flexible for the health and safety of me and my babies with the potential increased risks and higher potential need of a hospital transfer.
But with doing that and in surrendering to the unknown, it ended up being everything I had envisioned, but even better and times two. Just like Kenzie had told me it could be. Not many other people would tell you that in this situation.Most didn’t.

Q: What has postpartum with two babies actually been like? What’s been harder than you anticipated? What’s been better?

A: The logistics of caring for twin babies is insanity when you’re actually in it and doing it. And you really just have to figure out what works for your family.
This might be the most challenging thing I’ve ever done. And will ever do. Just moving from room to room while two babies and a three year old are crying and all need you at once is a lot to manage. I know this season is short and it’s already getting easier in some ways. Motherhood stretches you and forces you to grow in ways you never thought possible. Even if you’re not a first time mom. But we are so capable.
Feeding has been surprisingly easier when it comes to breastfeeding. My 7 week old babies are HUGE and are exclusively breastfed. I can’t imagine needing to feed them with bottles for every feed and then figure out how to get them to sleep. How do other people even get babies to sleep without boobs? I may never know.
Sleeping for myself is even harder than I anticipated. Especially when they were needing to eat every 2 hours when they were first born due to their size, being a bit early, and wanting to make sure we were supporting blood sugar and temperature regulation. They basically just needed to be held and/or eating constantly for those first days and couple of weeks.
Everyone tells you to keep twins on the same schedule but like.. what do you actually mean? They are two different people with different needs and I just spent 97 minutes getting baby A to sleep. I’m not waking him up. And sometimes it’s just easier to just care for one baby at a time during the day. I can carry them around the house and enjoy them individually while the other naps in their bassinet. I also have more time for my three year old this way. Most days I’m just winging things though and going off vibes. Sometimes it’s works great and sometimes it’s chaos. And sometimes I’m trapped under two sleeping babies while my 3 year old paints the dining room wall green.
I’m really feeling decision fatigue at this point. Do I try to set them down and transfer them while they are napping and risk one or both waking up? Or do I sit and do nothing. A lot of people will tell you to just sit and hold your babies, and I did that for almost every nap with my first child. And am mostly doing it now too. But At this point, there are too many kids to care for and I need to feed and care for myself and my home too as a stay at home mom. My husband went back to work after two weeks due to not having any paternity leave, so there’s only so much resting I can do. Especially when I have a third older child who also needs me.
Physically, I feel great. I was able to stay home and rest after my home birth and not leave the house for anything other than for a couple of short walks for 5-6 weeks. Healing has been so much easier, and I’ve experienced much less discomfort with these babies compared to my singleton who I birthed in the hospital.

Q: Was there anything you felt unprepared for once you got home—even after preparing so much during pregnancy?
A: No one can prepare you for how big and grown up your first born will seem after you have held those babies. My 3 year old seems like a whole different person, it’s almost heartbreaking. And I’m still dealing with the mom guilt of not being able to be there for him as fully as I was when he was an only child. I’m excited to learn how to navigate life as a family of 5 and watch how their relationships and bonds grow with each other as brothers.
Another thing has just been finding time to sleep while exclusively breastfeeding two newborns.

Q: What support has mattered most postpartum?
A: People who have dropped off meals and coffee and those who have helped care for my toddler. And just having my husband be the partner and father that he is.
Friends, doulas, providers, who have checked in and helped me feel capable and supported me in my thoughts, instincts, and emotions. I have a text chain with Kenzie, Tess, and Sarah and I’m so thankful for them. Hopefully they don’t get annoyed with me texting them for the rest of their lives.

Q: Looking back, is there anything you wish you had known during pregnancy?
It’s going to be magical. You can do this. You’re going to get through it. The hard stuff won’t last forever.

Q: Is there a part of pregnancy, birth, or postpartum that you struggled with but didn’t expect to?
A: I continue to struggle with grieving my relationship with my 3 year old as an only child. Being able to be fully available to meet his needs before the babies were here. I knew this transition would be an adjustment for us, but I think I’m struggling with it more than he even is. I’m needing to be very intentional with the time I do have with him, and be present when one on one time with him possible. I also know that I have high expectations for myself as a mother, and I need to give myself grace. (McKenzie actually told me this when I was about 1 week postpartum.) I can’t be everything for everyone all of the time. Even if I do badly want to be. And that is ok. This is a short season, even if the nights seem long and endless right now. We will get through it. I continue to stretch and grow as a mother and it’s a beautiful blessing of a challenge to be given.

Q: What would you tell another mom who’s pregnant with twins—or any mom who’s nervous about giving birth?
A: You were made for this. Invest in your team and your care. Be picky about your providers and supports. Protect your space and your bubble. Hire a doula. Invest in your postpartum care and healing. Whether it be meals, doula support, pelvic floor therapy, childcare for other children, or just simply prioritizing rest, healing, and bonding with your baby.
Your baby doesn’t need another onesie, an extravagant baby shower or expensive gender reveal , or all of the fancy extra baby gadgets. They need a well rested, properly nourished, and supported mother. And a car seat. If the mother is taken care of, she can take care of her babies.
For twin moms, you can do this and you are not automatically high risk just because you are pregnant with twins. Especially di/di twins like mine who each had their own sac and placenta.
Eat your protein and drink your water. 150-200g of protein a day to support placenta health and to properly nourish two babies. Read all of Lily Nichols books on nutrition. Move your body and don’t be afraid to exercise. I think this played a huge role in my ability to birth my twins vaginally and carry them as long as I did.
TWO BABIES. Two babies. WOW. How incredibly bright and exciting the future is.
However you birth your baby or (babies) is beautiful. But I hope you feel supported and empowered in the decisions around your birth and pregnancy. It’s great to have birth preferences and be educated in those, but it’s also important to be flexible and know when something may need to change.

Q: What does having a “village” mean to you now compared with before you had your babies?
A: The people who are there to hold me, until I ask them to hold my babies. Those who understand that this transition can be hard and beautiful at the same time. People who understand that a mother is born at the same time as her babies and she needs nurturing and care just like those new babies. People who feed me and help make sure my toddler still feels important and special during this transition. I’m lucky to have a few great friends, family members, doulas, and midwives who were my village.